Day 8 of IVF #3 and random musings

Today is day 8 of IVF #3 and my last day of Lupron!  Tomorrow is my baseline u/s and E2 blood work.  i woke up this morning with some light spotting, so I thought "great my period is just in time for my baseline."  Nope, 14 hours later spotting has pretty much stopped.  Unless my period shows up overnight, I doubt my lining is going to be thin tomorrow.

So far my side effects haven't been too bad.  I haven't had the headaches and hot flashes that I have had during the last two cycles and my insomnia hasn't been nearly as bad.  My worst side effects have been heartburn and acid reflux.  I also have had some night sweats.  My big concern is starting ganirelix tomorrow.  Last cycle I had terrible heartburn when I was on ganirelix and since I have already been dealing within heartburn, I worry about how I am going to feel tomorrow.

I was thinking about what the hardest part of infertility is.  When I tell people about our IVF cycles and exactly what it entails, I usually hear, "Wow, I could never give myself all of those shots."  If I mention the side effects from the meds, I hear about how crazy the meds are.  But it's not the injections or side effects that are hard.  Injections are easy and the side effects are temporary.  It's the not knowing if we will be successful.  I could do IVF 10 or 20 times if I knew that we would eventually get pregnant (and I had the money to pay for it).  It's also the coming to terms with the fact that we have to pay tens of thousands of dollars, for what most people get for free.  It's watching my friends from high school who got married over the summer announce their pregnancies and realizing that I have been doing infertility treatments longer than they tried to get pregnant.  It's realizing that a friend from college has gotten pregnant, had a baby and gotten pregnant again in the time we have been trying to conceive.  It's realizing just how far I've pulled away from my friends over the last 2+ years.

It's not that I am mad that they got pregnant quickly.  I am honestly happy for them.  I hate infertility and I would never wish it on anyone.  It's just that I am sad for me and getting impatient.  I feel like I have waited long enough.  I need this cycle to work.