So it feels like it's been a long time since I posted, but it's only been 5 days. Maybe it's because I feel like we've taken giant steps forward in the last few days. I have all of my consults scheduled and they start this week. Here's my infertility appointments schedule for the next few weeks, I swear I don't have this many appointments when I am in cycle.
Sunday February 23rd: IVF Seminar at my clinic (they raffle off a free cycle)
Wednesday February 26th: Consult with RMA NJ
Thursday February 27th: First therapy appointment with a counselor who specializes in infertility
Monday March 3rd: Consult with FIRM about their donor embryo program
Tuesday March 18th: Consult with CCRM (thinking about canceling this appointment)
We've pretty much decided that we will cycle with RMA if we can afford it (pretty much might come down to us getting in to a clinical trial), otherwise we will move on to donor embryos with FIRM. DH is excited about moving on to donor embryos, he's been hooked on the idea since we began talking about third party reproduction alternatives back in November.
Honestly I am excited about the option too, but it took me a little longer to get there. When we first learned that IVF #3 was a BFN, my initial reaction was "I want to cycle again." I think it came from a mixture of fear and disappointment. Moving on to other options means trying something new which brings on fear of the unknown. I know how to do IVF, in fact I am good at it (just not the getting pregnant part). Donor Embryos involves a FET and travel to a new clinic, both of which I've never done. My initial reaction was about me wanting to stay in my comfort zone. I think the other part of my reaction came from the disappointment of our failed cycle. I was really hopeful this last cycle, much more than the previous cycle. I really thought it was going to work for us and finding out it didn't was a hard blow. All I could think about was how close I felt we got and that with one more cycle we might be able to find success. Once I took some time to calm down and look into all our options and take a hard look at our finances, I knew that we needed to make some hard decisions. We have the money for one last cycle, but if it failed we will be forced into a financial break. Or we could look into other more affordable options, like embryo adoption or embryo donation. I think once I realized this our answer was clear. I want to be a mom and I want to experience pregnancy and I was willing to go with the option that has the greatest chance of making that happen. With embryo donation we could afford multiple attempts even with the cost of travel. Honestly now that I have had time to get used to the idea, I am excited. I feel like we are on the right path now.
We are also very lucky to have supportive families. Both of our parents support our decision to pursue donor embryos. My parents have even offered to give us money to help pay for our airfare. DH's mom just told him that you have to do what you have to do. She reminded him that she adopted his brother and she loves him just as much as she loves DH. They have always offered to help us no matter what path we chose (IVF, egg or sperm donors, embryo adoption or donor embryos, or even traditional adoption).