8dp5dt beta day

I took one last FRER this morning another stark white negative.

I got to the lab as soon as they opened to have my blood drawn.  I have one decent vein in my right arm (deep, but a good vein) and the girl couldn't hit it.  She ended up drawing from my hand.  Fortunately the lab was quick to process my blood work and I got a call from my nurse about 2 hours later letting me know that it was negative, beta was < 2.  It's recommended that I stay on my meds until after my second beta on Monday.  I plan on doing so unless I run out of PIO in my vial.  I am not opening a brand new vial for  a BFN.

After Monday's beta, I will be given new instructions.  I know exactly what they will be though, discontinue progesterone, wean off the dexamethasone, and make an appointment with my RE.  Honestly, I love my RE, but I am dreading this appointment.  He was ready for us to move on to other options after IVF #2, it was a second opinion from another RE that gave us our plan for IVF #3.

I am a mix of emotions right now.  Part of me really wants to cycle again, even though I originally said that this was our last cycle with my eggs.  This cycle was so much better than the last two (except for the outcome, obviously) and I feel like we  could have a real chance at this working for us, but it's a lot of money to possibly throw away on something that so far hasn't worked.  Another part of me feels like maybe I've become obsessed with fertility treatments, almost addicted if you will.  I've been doing treatments pretty much non-stop since last April and what if my desire to do another cycle is less about me thinking it will actually work, and more about me just being able to do something?  My sister has offered repeatedly to donate eggs, but the idea makes me upset.  Not because my children won't be biologically mine, but because I want to do the injections, go to the monitoring appointments, have the egg retrieval.  I want to be able to do it, not watch someone else go through what I couldn't do.

The option that is becoming more appealing to me right now (other than cycling again with my eggs) is embryo adoption.  My clinic gave us info on the NEDC and I really like them and their success rates are fantastic.  From what I can tell it would cost less than half of what another cycle with my eggs would cost.  I've also looked into embryo donation through FIRM, but their success rates according to SART worry me.  They are extremely affordable though, their costs are about half of the NEDC and they don't require a home study.  I have also looked at frozen donor eggs through RBA.  A cycle costs $16,000 which is cheap for donor eggs, but you only get 6 eggs.  They do have a guaranteed take home baby plan though (for $30,000), where you get 5 cycles (plus any FETs) and if you don't have a live birth you get your money back (only about half I think, you end up paying $3,000 per cycle).

It's a lot to think about right now.