The Loss of What Could Have Been

So I have started to actually research donor eggs (DE) and embryo adoption (EA) and came across  an article that talked about the emotions of moving onto third party reproduction.  The article compared the emotions of moving on to DE or EA to that of experiencing a loss, and that it is important that you take the time to grieve the loss of biological tie to your child.

When I started thinking about it, it is like grieving a loss, the loss of a biological child that will never be born.  Anyone who has TTC has probably spent some time thinking about what their child will look like.  I know I have.  I hoped that my child would have my curls but DH's hair color, DH's straight nose and my thick eye lashes.  We eventually create this idea of a child in our minds.  It is the loss of this potential child that we grieve, the biological child that will never be.

I thought more about grieving and the tangle of emotions that I have been dealing with thanks to infertility and I started thinking about the "five stages of grief."  I know that it was originally created to explain the emotions faced dealing with terminal illness, but it really is applicable to many life altering situations, including infertility and third party reproduction.  The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  I think I have felt all of these emotions over the last few weeks.  I am still working on acceptance.