I feel like I am in this weird place right now. I am no longer pregnant, but I haven't gotten my period yet. I'm in limbo. Emotionally I am doing better today. I made it through the whole day of work without crying, although I will admit that it was a struggle at a few points. My sister had sent me text messages inviting me to her m/c support group and letting me know that they will be having a candle lighting ceremony in December in memory of the babies lost. I finally had to ask her if we could talk about it another time, since I was trying my hardest not to cry at work.
Physically it's still hard. I am not sleeping well. Sometimes it's like I can't turn my brain off. I'll be trying to fall asleep and I'll start thinking about how happy I was when I got that first positive test and how excited DH was when I told him and then I think about how that's all over now and the sadness just overwhelms me again. It makes it hard to fall asleep. On top of that last night I woke up with cramps several times during the night.
I put away all of our IVF stuff yesterday. I found a photo box and put my IVF calendar in there along with the photo of our little blast and the photo of the ultrasound during transfer. I also admit that I put my FRERs in the box as well. I know that I should throw them away, but right now I feel like holding on to my first ever BFP.
I also decided to order a ring to wear in honor of our little angel. I found a sterling silver and ruby (July's birthstone) ring on Amazon, it should be here tomorrow. Here is what it looks like:
I am also considering getting a new Christmas ornament to hang in honor of our angel baby, but I'm not sure yet. I don't want to make Christmas too depressing, but I also feel like we should remember our angel baby.