Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Now the waiting begins

I feel like I am in this weird place right now.  I am no longer pregnant, but I haven't gotten my period yet.  I'm in limbo.  Emotionally I am doing better today.  I made it through the whole day of work without crying, although I will admit that it was a struggle at a few points.   My sister had sent me text messages inviting me to her m/c support group and letting me know that they will be having a candle lighting ceremony in December in memory of the babies lost.  I finally had to ask her if we could talk about it another time, since I was trying my hardest not to cry at work.

Physically it's still hard.  I am not sleeping well.  Sometimes it's like I can't turn my brain off.  I'll be trying to fall asleep and I'll start thinking about how happy I was when I got that first positive test and how excited DH was when I told him and then I think about how that's all over now and the sadness just overwhelms me again.  It makes it hard to fall asleep.  On top of that last night I woke up with cramps several times during the night.

I put away all of our IVF stuff yesterday.  I found a photo box and put my IVF calendar in there along with the photo of our little blast and the photo of the ultrasound during transfer.  I also admit that I put my FRERs in the box as well.  I know that I should throw them away, but right now I feel like holding on to my first ever BFP.

I also decided to order a ring to wear in honor of our little angel.  I found a sterling silver and ruby (July's birthstone) ring on Amazon, it should be here tomorrow.  Here is what it looks like:

I am also considering getting a new Christmas ornament to hang in honor of our angel baby, but I'm not sure yet.  I don't want to make Christmas too depressing, but I also feel like we should remember our angel baby.


  1. (((Hugs))) Sending lots of love your way <3

  2. That's a beautiful way to remember your angel. I hope that this can help you and I am glad you are feeling emotionally better (even if it's just a little).