Friday, November 8, 2013

IF Limbo

I am in treatment limbo.  I have no plan for what our next steps will be, and I need a plan.  Anyone who knows me IRL knows that I am a planner.  I am not spontaneous, I need things planned out and if necessary, have a couple of back up plans. Sure we have discussed some options, but nothing definitive.  The one thing that was getting me through the chemical pregnancy was my plan to cycle in January.  Now that this plan is off the table I feel lost. I need something to look forward to.  Right now all I can focus on is the fact that we will probably never have biological children and it tears me up.

I think the hardest part is that I don't know what to do.  My heart wants another shot at IVF with my eggs.  I just feel like we haven't given it our best shot.  But IVF is expensive and is it worth spending $15,000 on a cycle that probably has no chance at success just because I can't let go of the idea?  My sister has offered to donate eggs again (although we haven't fully discussed this option yet) and this should be a great option.  Much less expensive than anonymous donor and I could still have a baby that is genetically related to me.  For some reason this option doesn't make me feel better.  For some reason the thought of my sister going through IVF/ER makes me upset, I think because deep down I want it to be me.

1 comment:

  1. I don't blame you for wanting to try again... I'd do the same thing. I'm so sorry that you're stuck in this incredibly difficult position. I'm thinking of you always and wishing you peace.