Sunday, October 27, 2013


I still had a super light ghost of a line this morning, that or I have serious line-eye.  I don't think it's possible to get a lighter line, so I am calling my trigger out of my system.

Now for the scary part, looking for the BFP.  It's weird, testing the last few says wasn't scary or nerve wracking, because I knew it was my trigger.  Now it's the real deal, I'm looking for my BFP.

I was so positive and calm the first few days after my ET.  We transferred a good quality early blast and had a good shot at pregnancy.  Now the closer we get to beta day, I am feeling less positive.  I just feel like there is no way that this worked.  Out of two IVF cycles we had 14 eggs retrieved and 8 fertilized normally.  Of those 8 only 3 were decent quality (fragmentation and # of cells) on day 3 and only 1 made it to blast.  What are the odds that this one lonely embryo is chromosomally normal and able to implant?  I just feel like the odds are against us.

To make it worse, I haven't really had any symptoms.  Maybe a little cramping, but it could also have been bloating/gas pain.  My freaking boobs haven't even been sore.  I've had more "symptoms" on Clomid  cycles, when I didn't even supplement with progesterone.

Maybe I am just preparing myself for the worst.  Since we didn't have anything to freeze, if this cycle fails, we'll be starting over with a third fresh IVF.  Of course I will do whatever it takes, but financially we can only do so many fresh cycles.  I am also afraid of what my RE will have to say if this cycle fails.  Our cycle results so far have pointed to an egg quality issue.  Is there even a point to trying again with my own eggs?

Please let this cycle work.

1 comment:

  1. Girl. I can respect your hesitation. Truly. But don't lose hope. Miracles happen every day. This embryo could be your miracle!!

    I have so much admiration for you and your courage as you go through this. We are all on trial for some reason during this cruel and unfair battle with IF. I have faith that it will end well for us both. You will be a mother!!! Soon!!! Hang in there, friend.